The Perfect Dirty Martini

 

As with my taste in humour, I like my martinis dry and dirty.

The dryness of a martini refers to the amount of vermouth used in the drink, with a very dry martini having little or no vermouth.

Noël Coward once said that a perfect martini should be made by “filling a glass with gin, then waving it in the general direction of Italy” (which along with France are the two major producers of vermouth), meaning the less vermouth added to the gin the better the resulting drink.

And a dirty martini contains a splash of olive brine.

Here’s how I mix mine...

You will need:

• A chilled martini glass (a few minutes in the freezer does the trick)
• A splash of dry vermouth (I like Noilly Prat, mainly because its name is so silly)
• A large shot of your favourite gin (or vodka, if you prefer)
• Olive brine to taste (that's the clear, salty juice that olives are bottled in)
• Ice
• A cocktail shaker
• Green olives to garnish (you can use a twist of lemon rind, if you prefer. I won't judge)

Add the vermouth to the martini glass. Swirl it around. Toss it out. (It's best to stand downwind of dinner guests when doing this. Aim for a sink.)

Pour the gin (or vodka), olive juice and ice into a cocktail shaker and shake until chilled (for the fitness conscious, simply holding the shaker while running at 12 km/h on a treadmill will accomplish this, too).

Strain into the vermouth-coated martini glass (or directly into aforementioned dinner guests' mouths, if this is round #3 or higher).

Skewer the olives onto a cocktail pick and drop them into the glass (or rub the lemon twist around the rim and then drop into the glass) as a garnish.

Ahhhh...