Thursday, 1 September 2005


A Love Lost

I lost someone very dear to me last week. 
My hard drive.

She took her own life.

We were on a trip together. I was filming a commercial in Bangalore, the IT capital of India and maybe she thought it was an appropriate place to end it all.

But I still don’t know why. I’ve always treated her right. Given her the latest anti-virus software. Designer screensavers. Taken her around the world with me and always shucked out the extra bucks for costly wireless access in hotels and overpriced adaptor plugs from gift shops. And I was monogamous to a fault. I never had another hard-drive on the side. And I trusted her so implicitly I never even backed up. I pampered her with regular defragmentation treatments. And I was always attentive to her needs. I tried my best to make sure she was never left turned on -- although often, after I was done, I’d want nothing more than to just roll over and go to sleep. But I’d lovingly wait till all her processes were finished before gently shutting her down for the night.

And then she goes and does this? We were together barely over a year. Did she feel I was neglecting her lately? Was she jealous of my iPod? Did she overhear me say I was thinking of getting a BlackBerry? Maybe she felt ignored because I went off for a long night of filming leaving her turned on, unplugged and with iTunes running…? Maybe she perceived this as the start of a trend. But it was just a one-time oversight. I was busy. Tired. Working, so I could buy her more new software, a better firewall, more RAM to ease the pressure on her DIMMS. Didn’t she know that?

I called the hotel tech department at 4 a.m. in a panic. They sent an emergency team to try and resuscitate her. They tried everything. But they couldn’t save her. And what made it even more heart-wrenching was that with her, went what was inside her.

She was carrying my life. And she took it with her. Those solemn words from the IT paramedics will haunt me for years to come. “We’re so sorry, sir. We couldn’t save your data, either”.

I can understand her wanting to take her own life but why did she take my data from me? My innocent, unsuspecting data. “These things happen, sir”, was all the techies could say.

On the plane back, I remembered how carefree and happy our flight over had been as I played FreeCell with her. How she loved flying first class. She loved the high quality in-seat laptop power adaptors that ensured her battery wouldn’t run out and leave her jetlagged. And I could swear she was developing a taste for the champagne that would fizz from my glass onto her screen. She didn’t even mind the stewardess plucking her off the empty seat next to me during take off and landing because she loved the spacious overhead bins.

And now she was just a corpse in her Samsonite coffin. And I, a man with an empty heart and an emptier C: drive. The stewardess, perhaps sensing my grief, silently allowed her a final landing on the seat next to me.

There will be other hard drives, of course. And I will produce more data. But I will always wonder about the one that chose to end it all.





  1. Hey Rahul!

    I just randomly found your blog site from Wikipedia and am thrilledd!!! finally someone who can write well and knows fashion!! You belong in in Vogue USA!! I just saw this one and was completely bowled over and am reading the rest of them!! :D finally someone worth actually following!! :)


  2. Loved you writing.. Its hilarious... Having gone through this trauma myself (and the fact that I am a computer engineer also didn't help.. Sigh..:P ), I could very well relate to your grief..

    Keep writing!!

  3. Glad to have found your blog, though 'luck by chance'!


  4. Most people don't know your worth!! I believe, most of your movies don't do you much justice.

    This piece on your drive was downright amusing! Hope you have more time to write! :)

  5. great outpouring... loved it and felt deja vu... read ur other ramblings too.. great love it... really nerdy!! cheerio

  6. Dude, your writing totally rocks. I'd pay to read a lot more from you.

  7. Rahulllll! You should act more. At least make some really high quality photos available? I want you on my phone wallpaper.
    I'm only 19, but I've made up my mind- they don't make men like you anymore. Haha

  8. LOL...each and every one of your post is cracking me up!!! Never trust hard matter how much royal treatment you give it :)'s just machine....won't care for your emotions :P...haha

  9. Rahul,
    hahahaha, u keep writing about hard drives and Real estate
    One Wonders if you've ever Dated Real Women ever.haha,just kidding..

    but i would never date u,no,
    umm at least not until i get to know u better
    i don't know y but casual dating isn't very appealing to me.haha,

    ok i won't tease u any further.i don't wanu date u or even meet u
    i'm happy just adoring u from afar :)

    i adore u,respect u,love u (m so shy)
    i admire you for the Man that u r


  10. love you lot....from the day one as VJ till date ..u r awesome